Memories lost and found
by Alexandrea1992
Summary: Happens 10 years after 'what it is to be young.. again.' and is part of the memories series. Sam has been tortured and has had her memory erased. But does she really want to regain all of her memories? Rated M for very good reasons! Just having a little re-write :)
1. Summery!

Memories lost and found

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Stargate SG-1 or its characters and I don't make any money from it.

Summery

I have added a summery page because I can see the first chapter being confusing and needing some sort of background to it because it's quite strange. So here it is! Re-uploaded with longer and better versions of each chapter. Also I am writing the final chapters at the moment. This could go on for up to (and maybe over) twenty chapters if it remains popular.

This is set ten years after the events of 'What it is to be young… again' and Sam and Martouf have a nine-year-old child called Twilight.

This story starts with Sam being brainwashed and forgetting who she is after Ba'al had captured her and done unmentionable things to her six months before. SG-1 and the Tok'ra find her on a planet called Londris during a battle and bring her to the safety of the Tok'ra tunnels.

They want to bring her memories back but there is a good chance that the price may be way to high.

Happy ending but I'm not telling you who gets the girl. :P

Please review! Good or bad comments are welcome.

**Warnings:**

M for a reason! Rape, sex, emotional trauma and many other bad things, if you don't like then please don't read. I have however toned it down a lot for but I am going to upload the full X-rated version to Symbiotica as soon as I can.

Also AU. Martouf survives 'divide and conquer' and marries Sam.

Please Enjoy and give me your feedback


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If you recognize it I don't own it or make any money from it! It's just nice to play with the characters sometimes!

Overview: After three horrible months being tortured in a Gou'ld camp by Sokar Sam's memory is erased and replaced by a set of false memories. Will she ever get her real memories back and does she really want to?

**Bold** is where symbiotes are talking.

_Italics _are thoughts and host/ Symbiote talking to each other.

Please review… either positive or negative and let me know if it is worth continuing. This is my first story that isn't just a one shot so any help/ advise would be really welcome

Warnings: it is M for a reason! Angst, rape, sex, physiological issues and swearing. If you don't like then don't read!

Chapter 1

Samantha remembered her mother like a distant memory, a flicker of recognition from within her dreams. Strange clothes covered her mother's body in the brightest of colours and paint masked her face in the subtlest of ways. If she grasped too hard at the image all she could feel was pain and loss.

_It's not real, except it otherwise they will only drug you again. _

Her mind had learnt its lesson much faster than her heart had. Her heart wanted to believe that her mother was real and that her deepest fantasies were not just that… pure, nonsensical fantasy.

She could 'remember' that her mothers face shone whist speaking of sheep that lived in the sky and lush green trees that didn't glint coldly in the sunlight like a beckoning beacon of doom ready to explode at the slightest knock or bang and take the entire city with it.

Samantha remembered her reaction to those lies as she walked in the streets hand in hand with her. She would always look up almost as if expecting water to rush from the clear plastic above their heads and cover the parched, rubble buildings with a brief but beautiful kick of life. Soon she learnt that those sorts of lies made people disappear in the middle of the night, they never returned and people knew better than to mention them again.

So many good people lost. Shhhh…

Her mother and many of her other "imaginary" friends are dead now. Each gleaming pill and electric volt made them disappear until they were just a snatch of a long forgotten walk in the park or a long since dismissed trip to the zoo. Whatever parks and zoos were theses days except fairy tales and folk legends intended to amazing and confuse the children. Samantha had always found the thought of using the idea of a utopia funny when it came to the children, how do you teach children that their life is perfect whist telling them of a different and somewhat more ideal existence.

The key thing that children were taught was that secrets were necessary, practice keeping them everyday, don't tell anyone what you know. The person that you're talking to might be a spy or worse yet… A Tok'ra. Every shadow glared and every rustle of paper whispered threats. The secrets could never be truly kept; they would always betray you somehow. Some how she had escaped detection for all these years, some how she had found a way to be safe from the monsters, they would come and get her and make her carry their parasitic young someday.

Just lock the door and hide, they can't find you then. Hide damn it!

"Just forget the dreams and you will be fine," said one doctor with a sad but reassuring smile but another called her insane and prescribed little, silver tablets designed to calm a tormented mind. He said that she would have to undergo shock therapy again if it continued. Samantha Carter of the Brooker clan was certain that she was saner than many of the other people who glanced at her with pity but it was yet another thing she couldn't quite prove to either them or herself.

Each day she returned to work and each day she grimaced at the sound of the Tree wailing in the wind. She shuddered at its metallic hands as they reached out trying to pop the fish-bowl shaped, plastic air bubble that encased them and kept them safe; begging for a freedom that had long since been forgotten.

Safe? Thought Samantha remembering the news about men and woman who would destroy their way of life. What does that even mean any more? With the Tok'ra scum swarming all over the land ruining the God's world? Ha! Safe indeed!

Perhaps her imagination was playing tricks on her but the Tree always seemed to know what was on her mind and in its whispered plans it agreed. Freedom before its cold, metal heart rusts to nothing. Freedom before the last of the Gods forsakes them in his tired testament to a blasphemes race and the Tok'ra reign supreme. Escape was the only option but how can such an impossible dream even be a thought. She moaned and thought improbable thoughts; wishing that the nightmares would go and the dreams of a tall, handsome, blonde man would stay longer.

_Wishful thinking always comes at a cost. The Gods will know and will punish you for it. Always!_

She (at least to her own very blue eyes) was just plain, dull, blonde, Samantha whose job stops every member of the bowl of Lindres from suffocating and burning in the pollution. She waked up every morning and moved through life nodding at the I-bot. A twinkle fixed in her eye and a smile glued to her lips. "Yes sir. No sir. Of cause I love the Tree and yes I'm thankful I'm the Head Gardener for it." Always the same lie, always repeated by so many people that it almost became truth. When would it end?

Never… you know this.

Each day she worked and each day she felt like she was losing who she was. One-day work was peaceful as always in its never changing dance. The clonking of clockwork and the light, almost meaningless banter of her colleagues filled her day. Just clones dressed in white. Just clones with identical spanners, identical hair and identical dreams. She knew that she wanted this hell to end, but she didn't know why. She had it good and people were kind; of that she was more than aware. So why did she feel so sad and worthless if she was equal to her comrades.

_Why? Why? Why?_

She looked up as the clock struck two again. The pendulum swung inches from her face and she watched as the cities daily supply of oxygen whooshed from the top of the Tree, its branches ready to rest until the cities children cried for more. They were never satisfied, so her job was never over. Turning to her comrade she smiled and wished him a good night after all work was over for another day. Well for him it was; for her it was just beginning.

After two hours spent oiling and polishing the Tree gleamed like a mighty tyrant. Samantha gave it protection from the Pro-Green Ninja's with locks and gleaming chains. Sometimes a chink would appear in its armour and she would solder it back with as much care as the ancient queen Eliza's crown jewels were fixed and retained. _It is a sin to own beauty and pride. Think of history, think of your mother._

"I know better than them jewellers of old; the things made by the hands of man should protect the all; not glamour the few" she would often be heard saying to various people. She was always intelligent and witty but those were dangerous things to be in this new world of suspicion and spies. Best hidden away to keep them all safe or so the government said.

Her chores finished then she was almost free to live the life of a million people. Now able to walk the dusty roads back to area 56, she reached her flat and opened the stark, white door and the very second she stepped over the threshold she slammed it shut, releasing a breath that she felt like she had been holding for days.

Samantha followed the same routine every night; drink her liquid meal of a gruel replacement, take her tablet, watch the news then travel down a long flight of stairs to the basement. The basement was a rainbow set against a murky sky. A beaded jade necklace was suspended above her life's work. Under the precious necklace set upon a plain, metal table; pushed far into the corner where the I-bot would be blind to all her wrong doings laid trays of red dirt dampened everyday with water and seeded long ago with grass.

She looked at her work expectant. The same fear knotted in her stomach that yet again it had come to nothing. _It always comes to nothing. Nothing could grow here; we killed the air; we killed the water. We killed hope._

Long since abandoned by the Gods and all the magic they had to offer. Samantha shook her head confused for a second at why magic seemed like the wrong word. To her it seemed fake and unnatural. Another word danced about her head but why couldn't she quite grasp it? Technoplagy? No that wasn't right… how about technolopy? She shook her head unsure as to what she was thinking; her thoughts were cloudy at the best of times. More so since her medication had taken effect than ever before.

She gasped and her heart stopped dead with the horror of a distant dream come true. Now the reddened dirt that she had long since believed to be as dead as the tree waving outside the tiny, very revealing window in the corner of my room was sprouted with lush green life. Its leaves cupped the water and transformed it in to diamonds glittering in the cold electric light until she reached and touched the precious gem with the tips of her fingers and lost the moment forever. Water dripped down her fingers; stealing the illusion away but the dream stayed alive. Perhaps this was hope returned. It was her dove amidst the ark of our grey existence; here to show the lindorians that a better land might just lie outside the bowl.

The beautiful, blonde Gardener looked at her creation and knew it was good even if the evils of the world would seek to kill it and take it away forever.

_Bastards!_

Suddenly a bang echoed through the city as a gaping hole was blasted into the 'bowl' causing all of the fresh air escape. She rushed to put her gas mask on, fearful of the repercussions of the gasses entering her lungs. It was a dark day for Lindres and it looked to get darker still!

To be continued…

Still re-wring the chapters but will add the others as I finish tweaking them as well as a few new chapters that I have recently written.

Please review


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If you recognize it I don't own it or make any money from it! Though Samantha's and Lantash/ Martouf's little girl is made up by me. I think it adds a little perspective to the story.

Overview: After three horrible months being tortured in a Gou'ld camp by Sokar Sam's memory is erased and replaced by a set of false memories. Will she ever get her real memories back and does she really want to?

**Bold** is where symbiotes are talking.

_Italics _are thoughts and host/ Symbiote talking to each other.

A line is a change of character or scene.

Please review… either positive or negative and let me know if it is worth continuing. This is my first story that isn't just a one shot so any help/ advise would be really welcome

Sorry for the last update, life has kept me very busy of late!

Warnings: it is M for a reason! Angst, rape, sex, physiological issues and swearing. If you don't like then don't read! Also very AU.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 2<span>**

Sometimes the only thing that truly matters is that you're safe. What is not discussed is whether 'safe' is just another simpler way of saying 'not dead and almost certainly still breathing' or whether it has a deeper more profound meaning. Safe from another more complicated way of life perhaps or maybe just safe fro your own mind whist resting in the arms of someone who loves you. Her mother never explained what this 'safe' truly was; she just explained that it existed somewhere within human and Godlike sensibilities and logic where any hint of fear was found.

This ability to be safe was all that Samantha's mother ever really wanted for her daughter. She thought about this for a second and sighed as she acknowledged that at the present second she was most probably a vast disappointment; not only was she not safe but there was a chance that she may never be safe again. _Sorry mum. _She looked up and saw a pyramid inside of a grey circle and repeated her last thought, _I'm really sorry mum._

The Gods were back and Samantha thought that they looked mighty pissed off. The ship was hovering above and obliterating the bowl of Londris with fire and blue energy blasts, which shook Sam to her very foundations. She knew she was going to die but like hell was she going to die quietly.

"Right" she mumbled, "a plan." She needed to think of what could have possibly annoyed the Gods so much that they would bring their wrath down upon her people, and then it hit her. The strangers had brought this down on her people's heads by blaspheming and saying that, "ya know these Gods that you pray to are nothing more than slimy, snaky, alien parasites that were just pretending to be Godly to enslave millions of decent folks like you." Even though she had heard this from another room whist she was cleaning up the mess that their boots had made on the marble floor; it was no less scandalizing to her that people could just spout out this sort of crap and just expect to be believed.

_How dare they mess up our way of life? Both metaphorically and physically destroying it. This would go down in history as the day when just three people could bring a planet of fifty-two thousand people to the brink of destruction, just by uttering one simple sentence._

With this thought she ran out into the street and collapsed as the gasses tore at her lungs and the fire of the Gods rained all around her. It turned out her mask didn't work, it didn't even slow down the toxins and her devoutness didn't work either. When the Gods wanted revenge they would stop at nothing to get what they want, regardless of whom they hurt.

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><p>She woke up to a stunning array of blue crystals. <em>Perhaps this was heaven and heaven wants me to have beautiful blue diamonds? No, that doesn't sound right at all? The priests would have told me about it. Then maybe I'm dreaming? <em>She pinched herself._ Okay, that hurt so I must be awake. Come on Sam! You know there must be a logical explanation of this somewhere. You just need to find it. _It wasn't long until she found out that logical thinking should be the least of her worries. She was in a strange place that felt kind of familiar. She was still alive after death was her only option. She was in a cell but without a door and only one man standing guard. _What the hell is going on?_

"Hey you!" He turned to look at her. "Yes, you! Where the hell am I?"

"**You're on the planet Kairia. We are the Tok'ra and we want to help you." **His voice sounded distorted and deep, almost like it was echoing back on itself.

_They exist! The monsters exist! Shit, shit, shit!_

"I wont tell you anything!" Her voice sounded shrill even to her own ears. "You bastards are going to lose against the Gods. How dare you corrupt and control people? Have you got no shame at all?"

He looked back at her with sadness in his Hazel eyes and pushed his blonde hair back of his face. **"We just want to help you regain who you once were. You do not recall who we are at all do you? I'm Malek and my host is called Amb."**

"Get out! Get out! Get out!" She sobbed as the realization hit her that the stories were true. The evil parasitic Tok'ra were real and she was their prisoner. Was she to be offered as a sacrifice or become a host or just tortured until she told them all her secrets. She should have listened to the doctors and not thought about leaving because they were right. Now she had left (even if it wasn't through choice) it would most likely end in her death and the destruction of her soul.

Malek had left much to her relief, though he did feel familiar. _I feel like I knew him once upon a time. But how is that even possible? I have lived in Londris all my life; this must just be another one of their mind games. Well you bastards I'm on to you now so throw the best punches that you can. I'll be ready to protect my people's honour. Tok'ra scum!_

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><p>'<em>Why doesn't she remember us Malek? Did we hurt her in anyway?'<em>

'_I don't know beloved. I very much doubt this was caused by anything we did, we loved her with all our hearts and souls and now I fear that she sees us as monsters.'_

'_We should have told her that we love her, not just allowed her to always see us as just her friends.'_

'_Lantash is my brother! I will never betray either him or Martouf! _Malek realized how sharp he was being with his host and carried on in a gentler tone,_ I know how much this hurts but they have a child together and Martouf needs her to be okay and ready to go back to him. After losing Rosha and Jolinar he became very depressed and it was Samantha that helped him get better.'_

'_They only love her because of her memories though…'_

'_We cannot betray them beloved. No matter how Samantha affects us emotionally he still weeps at her death and will weep more at her survival. Dead she still loved him, now however…'_

Malek and Amb walked slowly to the council chambers whist lost in each other's thoughts. They both felt the fear that comes with telling a young girl that her mother doesn't remember her and an emotionally distraught out husband that his wife hated him now. Mind you, they both reasoned telling Jacob was also going to be a dire affaire.

'_Fuck! This is going to be one bastard of a day!'_

'_Yes Amb and you swearing is not going to assist us in this! As much as I share the sentiment.'_

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><p>Yes; sometimes 'safe' is a word that should never be used considering that no one ever truly knows what it means, never mind what people and Gods alike will do to achieve that allusive and very special feeling of security and contentment that comes with it.<p>

Samantha knew that 'safe' was just a myth used by the wise to calm the mind of the reckless but she still held onto it like a beacon on hope whist she was held in a cave of her own blue sorrow and isolation.

'Safe' is sometimes a word for those who believe that the universe is perfect but Samantha figured that the hope that came with the dream of safety was too precious to let go. Hope keeps people going even if what is hoped for is truly unattainable. With this thought she fell back asleep and like almost every night she found her dream self-running from a shadow and her physical self-unable to wake up or even scream for help.

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><p>Please Review! It makes it all worthwhile!<p>

Thanks for reading guys and please check out my other little fanfics.


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: As usual I own nothing.

Sorry this one is so short. The next one will be longer but I just needed to set the scene first for the next bit.

Please review… you know you want to… ;-)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 3<span>**

Malek faced the three people in front of him and waited for them to speak. He didn't know how to start conversation off; this would be difficult even if he didn't also love her as well. Jacob watched him nervously whist his son in law walked back and too and his granddaughter just cried into her hands.

She was the first to speak. "Is mom okay Uncle Malek? Uncle Amb? Please answer me!" Twilight said with tears in her big blue eyes. She was now nine years old and her blonde hair was tied back in a braid. She was a beauty but she was also and ultimately a tomboy, forever causing trouble and annoying her Tok'ra and human family. They all loved her regardless of how often they had to tell her to 'shut up' or 'quit pranking them.'

She was and always would be the light of her parent's lives but she was also the current bane of her uncle's life. Neither one wanted to tell her that it wasn't okay. That there was a chance that it may never be okay again but they tried there hardest to. Malek just stared at the blue crystal in front of him and started to speak.

"**Physically yes…"** began Malek. _This is going to be just as hard as we feared Amb, if not harder._

_Let me take over then beloved, I might be able to phase it in a softer way that you can, _Amb replied.

_No, I will continue. You will no doubt say something we will regret in the end._

"That's good news then?" muttered Martouf but he still felt uneasy. After 188 years alive you learnt that sometimes even the best news may come back to snap you in the arse.

_Plus, I heard a 'but' in there as well _thought Lantash, _we don't know what Ba'al did to her or what horrors she has suffered._

_Lantash, please don't! I don't want to hear this; our Samantha is home and back in our arms. Isn't that all that counts in the end?_

"**But… but she has no memories of any of us and all that she knows of the Tok'ra are the negative fairy tales that she has been taught, where we are demons sent to destroy the Gods and corrupt people. In her mind we are the beings that send people to hell. She just remembers living on Londris all her life. In short she hates us and believes that we just wish to hurt her… and the child that she is carrying," **finished Malek and he lamely added **"we are really sorry for the hardships you must face, forgive us for bringing you these ill tidings."**

"**No! No! No!" **Shouted Lantash; as much as he had readied himself for the worst he still couldn't believe it**. "You must be mistaken, Samantha could never hate us! We love her and she knows that, so go back to her and tell her that the joke is over and that we're not buying it! It is most definitely not funny!"**

"**It is no joke Lantash, surely you know this?"**

Martouf snatched control off his life partner just to say, "Child? She betrayed us and she also despises us. What's the universe coming to?" He then dropped to the floor and started to cry and seconds later Twilight joined him and he wrapped his arms around her and they just sat there, a father and daughter together mourning the loss of someone who they loved so much and the fear of a very steep slope that they needed to climb in order to get her back.

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><p>Both Malek and Amb hated themselves. They had told them and then they had very quickly walked away almost as if, if they could distance themselves from the pain it would ultimately hurt less.<p>

_We are bastards of the first degree Malek. We should have comforted them rather than walking away when they needed us the most._

_Yes I know we are but how would we have helped them whist in tears ourselves. There was no point adding to their misery, we should help Samantha and help her heal. I believe that is the best way to comfort our friends._

The tunnels passed in a blur of blue and grey as people passed by them. Lets find Anise; she will know how to help. The human mind is a specialty of hers. It didn't take them long to find her in her lab. **"Anise? A word please." **Malek waved and called her to him and fully explained what had happened in the past few weeks.

He finished his explanation with; **"do you have any way of returning Captain Carter's memories to her?"**

"**Yes but if she has been a prisoner of Ba'al it might be for the best if she never remembers."**

"**I know but my thoughts are with her family. They are distraught and they need her back. They love her."**

"**As you wish. She may not thank you for it in the end though."**

"**I know." **He hesitated.** "She may learn to hate me in the end but sometimes you have to do what is right, rather than what you personally want. Please lead the way…"**

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><p>Please review and tell me if I should continue!<p> 


	5. Chapter 4  part 1

Chapter 4- Part 1

**Disclaimer**: Looks carefully and laughs.

Nope still don't own it and to think I was so hopeful this time too! :-p

Thanks go to: Pagan Twylight, dpdp, Hathorgirl, Roeskva, 'me', Vycre and Gater62 for reviewing. Thanks guys, you're the best!

Everyone else please Review my story, makes it all worth while.

Chapter Summery

_We look at Samantha's first day of treatment through the eyes of all those around her. This is just part 1 of it._

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><p>Even through the toughest of times there are always happy memories to keep you going and it is these happy times that keep you sane. Almost every Tok'ra (including Lantash) had informed him of this and Martouf knew that they were probably right. After two thousand years of leading difficult lives they would know what works and what doesn't when dealing with loss.<p>

Whist Malek and Anise were trying to bring his wife back to him; he was sorting through boxes of things that he could never bare to part with. A lock of Rosha's hair brought back her smile and her laugh to him as clear as day so he put that back down. Now was not the time to think about his ex-mate no matter now much he had loved her. _Though _said a sneaking thought, _she would have almost certainly have known what to do in this current situation. _This just served to make him feel guilty; what manner of man thought about his ex-mate when his current wife needed him to be strong? Martouf and Lantash were hurting so badly and they both knew that the pain from this disaster would not just disappear as quickly as a cut or bruise. They both knew that it would last beyond death itself. Lantash would pass the grief on to his next host and all others that followed. His love was unending and Martouf knew this because he still missed Lantash's first host Christen even though he had never met the man.

'_I wish you had, you would have got on so well with each other. You're both so brave and strong, I am proud of all my hosts. Keep being strong beloved, if the worst should happen I will always be here for you and our beautiful daughter.'_

Next to find its way into his hand was a letter wrote by his daughter when she was four years old and a home made pom-pom pet with pipe cleaner antlers. To that day he was still not sure if it was a moose, a four legged moustached penguin or a very fat symbiote on stilts. Lantash chuckled inside his head; _I don't think she even knows what the creature is. She always makes me smile even when I feel like I may never be joyous again._

Martouf began to read.

_Hello daddy;_

_I made you a pet called Mr Snuggles to keep you safe. Mummy says that you're a hero and that your job saves lots of people from mean bullies who play pretend as gods._

_She says that they are monsters that live far away but you keep me safe, like you keep me safe from the monster that hides under my bed. I'm afraid he might come back but I know you will keep your promise and your monster-scaring spell will keep him away forever._

_I asked her if Gods were real and she said she didn't know and to ask daddy. I think my daddies must know everything if you know things that even mummy doesn't._

_Mummy said that Mr Snuggles said that he will pass all my love on to you with pipe cleaner magic. He is a smart pet which I made today from fluffy balls and googly eyes and a pipe cleaner. I tried my hardest and mummy said you'd love him._

_Mummy says that he is a very clever pet and that he will growl at the mean bullies and scare them away from you like you do with the shadows under my bed._

_I hope you come back soon and I love you millions._

_Love from_

_Twilight _

_Xxx __ xxx_

They both reasoned that at least they had something to be glad of, they had their fiery, smart and slightly unusual daughter. _'Thank the heavens she has her mothers code of life otherwise she might not be half as fun filled and happy as what she is.' _Yes, Martouf and Lantash still had something to live for even if they had lost their reason for existing. His wounds still burned like fire and he wanted to go to his wife and perhaps if the universe could throw him a bone just once in a while; _his_ unborn child.

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><p>"No! Go away! How dare you even talk to me?" Twilight spat at Amb. He knew he couldn't blame her for reacting like this; any nine-year-old girl would be pissed at the man who had delivered such horrible news to them but he couldn't keep the anger out of his reply.<p>

"What and you don't think the rest of us are upset?" he snapped before adding in a gentler tone, "we all want your mother to be okay, I'm sorry for shouting Twi, I'm just scared at the moment." Twilight just glared at him and ran away from him and Amb swore violently to himself and got reprimanded by Malek for the seventh time that day.

Being born on a so called 'pleasure planet' made Amb a very disobedient and primitive person and it also meant that at times his manners lacked especially when he was stressed out or upset about something. His parents had died when he was quite young due to being sent away from the light by their master Lord Yu because they had brought him the wrong sort of wine and not preformed their duties in a way befitting royalty.

Amb had watched as his parents had writhed in agony and called out to him to save them but due to his fear he could do nothing but watch. He remembered that he had pleaded with Lord Yu to change his mind and save them but he had just laughed and told the six-year-old boy to 'watch and learn what it is to be low down vermin'.

He carried that guilt around with him everywhere he went and now he had even more to add to his burden.

Amb felt a mixture of emotions, anger, self-pity and guilt because Samantha had been with them when she was stolen away, yet again he had failed those he loved but at least this time he had gone after her.

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><p>-Flash Back- Six Months Ago-<p>

_Amb and Malek had been sent on a simple scouting mission to find a new Tok'ra base for the south quadrant because Anubis had destroyed their old one. It was supposed to be almost completely danger less and they had invited Samantha to go with them because she had seemed very stressed out at the time._

_The planet in question was a tropical planet with warm emerald seas and a sky so blue that they managed to forget what clouds looked like for a moment. They were currently standing in the middle of a bay, on a beautiful sandy beach. Birds were flying around in circles above their heads, their bright feathers occasionally falling on to the sand. Shells littered surrounded them and created the effect of a constantly shifting mosaic._

_It was stunning and reminded Amb of Tambia, his home planet but this planet only had two moons rather than the six that he had grown up with, and he very much doubted that this planet was inhabited by hundreds of drug crazed Gou'ld. He breathed in the sea air and smiled slightly, even if this place reminded him of some difficult times he knew that Samantha was enjoying herself and that was all that mattered. He was lost in his own thoughts so Malek took over and started conversing with Samantha._

"_Thanks for inviting me guys, it's beautiful here, just what I needed to relax. We have had four near misses with the Ori in the past month so I feel really tense. Though I do feel sort of guilty for taking time off at a time like this," Samantha said smiling at them._

"_It's not a problem. We just thought that in order for you to work at your best, you would need a little time to think," replied Malek mildly, his voice echoing around the bay. _

"_So… What was the real reason you wanted me to join you here?" She asked laughing, "I know you guys well enough to know that there is always method in your madness._

_Malek figured that lying was probably the best policy in this case; being in love with your brother's wife did not go down so well with the Tok'ra. You had to be able to trust each other with every aspect of life or everyone was at risk, __"to be honest we would both prefer it if our best friend didn't die through exhaustion. Lets have a drink and lets stop being so suspicious." __The look on her face was enough to tell him that she didn't believe a word that he said, she was right that their was an ulterior motive but surely he was allowed to spend time with his friend with out people judging._

_By the time nightfall had come they had drunken four bottles of wine and had eaten their cakes and sandwiches and they chatted drunkenly around their campfire. All three agreed that they should do something similar again and that they were all brilliant company._

"_This has been so fun," Samantha, slurred whist grabbing hold of Amb's arm for balance and then giggling when he lost his balance and they both fell on to the wet sand. "Your clumsy, you should be more like me and be sensible," she sat back up and poked him lightly in the chest then leaned forward and…_

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><p>- Present -<p>

Malek tried to remember what happened next but it wouldn't come to him. His memories went straight to seeing Samantha run naked towards him screaming for help. His heart suddenly thumped in his chest and his head banged from trying to bring back what had happened before then but he couldn't do it. He really hoped that he hadn't mated with her and broken his best friend and brother's trust in him but with out help in remembering he couldn't be fully sure. He headed off in search of Anise, she would use the memory recall devise on him and then at least they would know what had happened before and hopefully would help with bring back Samantha's memories.

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><p>TBC.<p>

Please Review and let me know what you think and if you want to know what happens next! ^.^


	6. Chapter 4, part 2

Chapter 4, Part 2.

Disclaimer: Nope still don't own it.

Notes: Sorry for the lateness of this guys but family stuff took over and left me very little time to get much done, fanfic wise.

Twilight was not so young that she did not understand the difference between good and evil, her parents had taught her well. Malek and Amb were only trying to help but still she felt betrayed by them, what sort of uncle would have let her mummy get hurt in the first place? Did this make them evil? No it didn't, but even still they were not forgiven for their obvious lack of common sense and decency.

Running away from the problem was never an option or so Lantash (her papa) had told her with a smile and a hug. Martouf (her daddy) disagreed and commented, "It was only an option if she needed help or assistance." Sam just smiled and said that it was up to her in the long run. The only thing all three agreed on was that they would love their little girl forever, no matter what.

Twilight felt that running away and not facing her uncles head on was a wise decision and selfless, if she would have stayed she would have lashed out and maybe hurt them. Her mother may have lied about loving her forever but at least she was right when she said, "violence just caused more problems and can be easily avoided in most cases."

Twilight reached her father's chambers within a few moments and stepped inside quickly. "Daddy?" She questioned before she heard Lantash's voice. "Hi papa" she began to sob again and ran into his arms, "It's horrible papa, it really is. Why has mummy forgotten me? Why doesn't she love me anymore?" The questions kept on coming and Lantash had no answers that would make his young daughter feel better.

He squeezed her tighter to him. _'How do we approach this? There is no way that we can make this go away.' _Martouf thought to his other half.

"**She does love you and we are trying to return her memories," **Lantash said with a slight jolt in his stomach. Parenthood was a lot harder than anything he could imagine. When his child felt pain, he felt double that pain and he knew that it would not change even when she was an adult. At that moment he half wished he was being tortured or killed or anything else that was nasty and sickening rather than being stuck seeing his daughter cry. Nothing was worse to him than seeing his baby in pain.

"Papa?" She paused for a moment before asking what her fathers had been dreading, "can I see mummy soon?"

"**I don't know little one, I really don't know…"**

In the back of Lantash's and Martouf's mind they could hear Sam begging for her treatment to end. Her imaginary screams made their heart beat faster, they both knew that being a prisoner was something that was better forgotten in the long run but they needed her back in their arms. They both found them selves wondering if their need to have her remember again was selfish, should she suffer so that they could have her back. They ended up telling themselves the one thing that would soothe their troubled conscience; that Twilight needed her much more and that a child should _never _suffer if it can be avoided.

Jacob could still not believe what had happened to his daughter.

"_How did this happen?"_ He asked Selmac endlessly.

The reply was always the same. _"I don't know, we will find out soon."_

"_Soon is not soon enough! I want the son of a bitch that did this to her taken down in the worst way possible."_

"_We have to wait and see…." _Selmac understood and in some ways felt exactly the same herself but she had to teach her host patience, even if she had very little of that virtue herself.

"_Lets find Jasmine and Bianca." _Ten years before Jacob and Selmac had caused a scandal and got a young woman called Jasmine pregnant, they used the excuse that 'it made an ideal cover' but unfortunately no one believed them with it being a recruitment mission that they had been sent on. So by the time Bianca was born, Jacob and Jasmine were begrudgingly married and began their new lives somewhat tensely. They had fallen in love in the end but Bianca was still resentful of being forced in to marriage when all she had ever dreamed of was being free, regardless of this she had to admit that Jacob and Selmac made excellent, kind and generous partners.

Jasmine happened to come back to her quarters just at that moment; she had long black hair and grey eyes, her clothes were usually bight purple, floor length dresses. She was very pretty in her own unique way and had made it perfectly clear that she would only act as a temporary host is no others could be found in time to avert a death. She was too independent to share her body for too long. This was respected even if the high council found her attitude to be annoying and incredibly insolent at times.

"Jasmine, how are you?" Jacob said with a small smile.

"Okay thanks, just worried about poor Samantha. I mean how awful can one life get and added to that I heard rumours of foul play, the baby might not be Twilights full brother if you get what I mean…?" Jasmine did look slightly upset but to her crying and open displays of emotion were a waste of time. What could you solve by locking your self away or shouting? She would never know what people saw in such behaviours.

It was clear by the look of disgust on Jacobs' face that he understood exactly what his young wife meant. Sokar, the bastard may have hurt his little girl in ways that he could never imagine happening to her.

"I understand what you mean," he managed to drag out. Jasmine gave him a brief hug and wondered off to find her daughter. She was no help to him and she knew it all too well.

The Stargate spun and clicked in to place before the wormhole established with a whoosh. The SGC had visitors coming and the code said they were of Tok'ra origin.

"Open the gate!" Ordered Jack, after six months he was starting to lose hope that Sam would be found at all. Sam wasn't like Daniel who would inevitably come back every time without fail, Jack was sure that if she was dead then she would stay that way for good.

Alwin walked down the ramp and stopped a few steps before Jack, Daniel and Teal'c. "I have both good news and bad news…" he started before Jack cut him off sharply.

"You know what? I am sick of you snake heads just bringing news, I want you to bring back Carter instead."

Daniel put a hand on his friends shoulder to shut him up before he started a rant. The Tok'ra annoyed him at the best of times, more so now because Carter had chosen a 'snake head' for a husband. Well not so much as chosen, as been forced to marry one. The Tok'ra believed strongly in both parents being together to raise children, even if children were an incredible rarity in Tok'ra society.

"You had best to come to the conference room and tell us," Jack snapped before leading the way.

They all sat down and waited for Alwin to fill them in, "We have found Samantha but it was problematic…" He waited for the go ahead to continue, "she was found on a small planet called Londris, she is alive but her memories have been erased. Also Sam is six months pregnant with a child that could have potentially been fathered by Sokar." That's all it took to take the relief at hearing she was alive away for good.

Daniel found himself wondering if she would have been better off dead, he loved her like a sister but he couldn't bare the thought of her being hurt. Sometimes death is the better option and he didn't know if Sam would ever love the child anyway, rape would be a fair enough reason to not be able to even look at it properly. He worried about this because he remembered his Auntie having a baby after being raped and the child ended up in care. Daniel promised himself that he wouldn't allow the baby to end up in care; he would look after it himself if needs must.

Jack just wanted to see her, he was still in love with her and needed to make sure she was okay. He thought for a moment about Twilight, Malek and Martouf and felt sick, he hated that they had to go through this and decided that he was going to take Twilight on a day out. It probably wouldn't help for long but even a few seconds away from the pain was better than nothing and he just wanted to help. He was going to help in anyway he could and the Tok'ra had better not get in his way of doing that.

Teal'c knew what had probably happened; he had seen it many times before and when the memories came back the victim more often than not just wanted to curl up and then die. He had taken pity on more than one girl and helped them do it, this thought sickened him but as soon as they remembered he knew his old master would have dragged them back again to redo the act until the girls went insane. Sometimes death is better but Major Carter was safe now so perhaps she could be saved. He wasn't going to bet either way, he knew how strong she was but on the other hand he knew what tricks Sokar had to destroy others.

"I want to see Carter as soon as possible," Jack said and was quickly agreed with by his colleagues.

"I'm sorry but we can't accommodate that at the moment. She needs to be put through memory loss treatment before we can arrange anything," Alwin knew that that was going to go down badly and braced himself for the complaints. He got yelled at for twenty minutes and he couldn't blame Samantha's friends for being so abrupt.

They hated everything about what was happening and Alwin was just another problem to be solved. He took the rap for the council's decisions and then left, he knew that this would not be the end of the conversation by a long way but what could he do when no one would listen to him. His people were famously stubborn and would not change their minds without a serious reason to do so and human emotion would not be counted as nearly good enough.

To be continued….

Notes:

The next chapter is going to be Sam's treatment and how it affects her and the people around her.

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Thanks ^.^


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